Whitney Avalon - Princess Rap Battle: Dorothy vs Alice

ALICE:
When you look into the mirror,
I'm sure you're distressed
You're book borrowed my look
You're even wearing my dress
I been rocking this game
Since before you were born
This corny copy's lost because
She ain't in Kansas anymore
I'm surprised your garbage squad
Hasn't fallen apart
Yellow-bellied, empty-headed
That one's got no heart
Double killers, caterpillars,
and a mad man in my crew
Put you on blast, I gotta ask
Who are you?

DOROTHY:
Well, I'm Dorothy Gale
And you're on my street
Not a good witch, I'm a bad bitch
Ruby kicks on my feet
Quirky stupid chicks
And nobody can stand ‘em
You're that annoying girl shouting
LOL I'm so random
I got sense and sensibility
Like my girl Jane Austen
Wreckin' your tea party
Like they did back in Boston
Word to your moms
I'm dropping L. Frank Bombs
Got more bars than Wonka
More composed than Brahms
Better say your prayers,
We're your worst nightmares
Keep dreaming, you'll be screaming
Lions, tigers, and bears (Oh my!)
I've come to free the land
From an olive hand
A beginning middle end that
Even kids can understand
In your sadness you wallow
Talking rabbits you follow
Put a bottle near your mouth
You're not thinking, you swallow
I didn't make the mold
But I'm the one who broke it
I'm the better heroine
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it

ALICE:
No place like home?
You're from a podunk prairie
Ease on down the road
Cause shiz is gonna get scary
What's your battle plan?
I don't think you understand
A coward, dolt and bag of bolts
Can't step to Wonderland
Don't make me light up your friend,
Cause he's met his match
A stitched together strawman
that stinks like bandersnatch
You're washed up and washed out,
you're fading, and thus
Click your heels together baby
and bugger off to Kansas

SCARECROW:
Who needs brains when you have
This much swagger
I don't even gotta think
And I got moves like Jagger
I'm outstanding in my field
While you have mental lapses
Teaching crows how to murder
With my lack of synapses
Noggin stuffed with knowledge
Stitching rhymes so raw
Throwing shade at Oz?
Hay, that's the last straw
Let's have a heart to heart
You tart-stealing tart
Alice, you're so stupid
You make me look smart

TIN MAN:
Gimme that oil can
So I can get loose
I'm relaxing while I'm axing
through your crew like a spruce
I'm a ten out of tin
The heavy metal playa hater
I'm heartless and relentless
Like the fucking Terminator
Got more joints than Snoop
Sippin' mock turtle soup
Hell, I'm just blowing off steam
Like a chimney (toot toot!)
I ain't scared of shit
'cause I'm bulletproof
Throw your hands in the air
And raise this hot tin roof

COWARDLY LION:
Let me at ‘em
I'll tear ‘em limb from limb
Smack a hat off the whack job
Make a snack of Tweedledim
You fellas are all yela
You ain't got what I got
With a paw behind my back
I'll tie you all up in a knot
Outrageous and courageous
That's kinda my thing
Bow down to the crown
It's good to be the king
Scurry home with your friends
Miss Little Bo Peep
A lion doesn't pay attention
To the opinions of sheep

TWEEDLEDUM & TWEEDLEDEE:
You wanna step to this duo?
‘cause we're ready to battle
Dee and Dum are down to frikin'
Spank your ass like a paddle
Beg and plead on your knees
To the double trouble emcees
And if you don't like it
You can tweedle deez
These tale-telling twins are
Stopping, dropping, and rocking you
Choppin' and mockin'
Snicker-snack jabberwocking you
Talk smack in our world
It's off with your head
We go hard, pull your card
And paint your chest red

MADHATTER:
Today is my unbirthday
And it's not ‘cause I hate ya
Serving dishes and dissing ya
‘cause I'm nutty by nature
My writing desk riddle
Can you tackle it quick?
It makes no sense to rap against
A raven lunatic
She'd be a tea party crusher?
This bastard haberdasher came to
Trash and slash and bash and
Put her pussy one to pasture
I'm a dastardly villain
Like a riddling Dillinger
Top billing in shillings
This milliner's killin' her
I keep my mug mean
I keep my cups clean
I'm the baddest maddest hatter
That the world has ever seen
Look at your face
You're so troubled, my dear!
Of course our raps make you angry
We're all mad here

DOROTHY:
Your sloopy story structure
Simply can't be excused
Just like the audience
You spend your whole movie confused
Our adventure had a point
We found the man behind the curtain
I would ruin your whole world
But that's been done by Tim Burton
I'm slammin' other damsels
While I'm spittin' so speedly
Running rampant on this cowards
That are dubler than Tweedledee
We're ferocious, fierce, and fiesty
You're a sleepy little mouse
Watch me smash and flatten bitches
When I bring down the house

ALICE:
Oh, my story's nonsense?
Yeah whatever, witch please
You've got funky flying monkeys
And apple-throwing trees
This homewrecker in checkers
Hits her head then it stops
Suddenly a bunch of runts
Start singing all about lollipops
You're as stupid as the scarecrow
With only half of his charm
This fool forgot that these are the dudes
That freaking lived on her farm
You're stressing ‘cause you're messing
With a verbal giant, sweete
You want to pick on someone my size?
Eat me