Sycamore Smith - The Gigolo Magician

That gigolo magician has been feasting on your kisses
I know you went to meet him on the east side of Mt. Mrs
He climbed up the west side and got lost
So he turned into a cave and cut across...

I found my bishop in his cups down by the sea
He said, "Thy wife's a backwoods (hic) a backwoods (hic)
A backwoods Jezebel, not faithful unto thee"
So I went to see my Uncle Staggerlee
He said, "I heartily agree
I've heard their groans and grunts--
Go stomp that top hat tomcat fop at once"

I caught that necromancer by the cloak down by the cape
I put him in a headlock, but that soulless troll escaped
I know you went to see him, didn't you?
Oh, it makes me want to saw you both in two

I met my doc on a deserted, misty pier
He whispered, "Mandrake's great
For making irritations disappear"
So I went to see my Uncle Staggerlee
He said, "I heartily agree
But you will never get
A little bit of poison out of me"

That prosti-digitator made himself a cup of tea
I spiked him full of poison, which I stole from Staggerlee
Now he won't be seeing you, and you won't see him
And are you thirsty, dear? It's nearly four PM