Apologies, I Have None - The Clarity Of Morning

A master actor, a perfect liar, all smiles played out with expert timing.
It starts like rust, slow and silent but grows like fire, swift and violent.
I walk much slower now I've got no direction.
All bends are blind, all cracks chasms.
I love and hate in equal measures the freedom from precision that living like this offers, but habits are so easily formed and not so easily forgotten.
It's nothing that some wine can't sort out, hit the offy, back a bottle, drop two sleeping pills and hope to pass out.
The run has got me spinning around and down and out.
I hate the person I've become. Hate the foil, hate the filters, hate the blister packs but I won't stop.
The run has got me spinning around and down and out, praying that the clarity of morning brings a peace to ease the mourning of a loss of control as two lives split in half from a whole.
She'd say 'I miss you when you're gone' and I would wish that I was off anywhere else.
I'm sorry, when I said I didn't love you what I meant was I hate myself.