Fiat 500 - Motherhood

This is my crib, and these are my babes,
My life and body have somewhat changed
I’m living it large, and by large I mean bigger,
At least now I know the difference ‘tween a tractor and a digger
I express like the best from these holes in my chest,
wear my nursing bra, like a bulletproof vest
Got my bitches by my side and my hose in the back,
Swap my sexy handbag for a snot stained sack
My decor was smart, my taste was extra picky
Now my surfaces are cluttered, and nearly always sticky
Work versus home is a mental combination
with my elbows deep, in infant defecation
Wipe the sick off my coat, but the smell still lingers
Gave up on real food, eat leftover fishfingers
Once we’d talk about our lives, now the conversation switches
We compare cesarian scars episiotomy stitches


It’s the motherhood, it’s another hood
I’d like to welcome you, but now you’re here for good
We go from nappy rash to ending family feuds
And I’m flooding up your timeline with my baby news

Still got my wardrobe … but my thong now itches
Designer sofa… but now there’s puke in the stitches
And I’m expressive, I express all the time
‘Cos the doc said, to not breastfeed is a crime
Tried to get my bod back with some yogalates
Hit up the Zumba class swing by these new pilates
I’m on an Atkins hype, on a Keto diet
I try avoid the bread so I nearly never buy it
Pop a nappy on his butt without a changing matt
CBeebies now my crew and I’m tight with Postman Pat
Sleep deprived and under house arrest
Think I’d sell both kidneys just to get some rest
Spent three months in PJ’s it was clearly a sign
Joined a book club just so I could drink some wine
My sterilisers so dope all my bottles be gleaming
I got a blender out the back so I can start up the weaning

It’s the motherhood, it’s another hood
And once you’re in the club, you’re in for good.
Go from fighting nappy rash to endless doctor queues
And I’m flooding up your timeline with my baby news.

Softplay, Gangster. More G. Than your average mother…
I’m a school-run-taker, fairy-cake-baker, deal-maker, orgasm-faker, nit-raker, rattle-shaker,
Cheese-grater, night-time-waker, I’m-a-placater, peacemaker