The Jane Austen Argument - Staying Single

Everyone I flirt with has another lover, I discover
Or they want to keep me for eternity.
Everyone I sleep with have a pre-existing non-commitment
Or need a place to live with urgency

And where's the fun in that?
No thanks
I think I'm staying single...

The ants go marching two-by-two into the night without emerging
Urging me to stay at home and watch TV
And at five AM I hear them screaming empty words devoid of meaning
It could be orgasm or agony

And where's the fun in that?!
I think I'm staying single.

And at night there's nothing finer
Than being home with wine
And I'm ignoring all the signs of my own nunnery
But if someone were to love me
They might hold that love above me
And I'd never get enough of all their want and need
They'd play the game and then I'd lose
I'd rip it up and kill the mood
And then I'd give them attitude
No way
I think I'm staying single.

Fuck you!
Oh wait. No, let's not
'Cos I'm staying single
Keep yourself to yourself
I am staying single
I don't really care if you're in an open relationship,
That still means you're taken, fuckwit
I am staying single
You left me for a midget nazi
So I'm staying single
You took all of my money and ran away to Canberra
What the fuck is the point of Canberra as a city anyway?
I'm staying single

(audience contributions)

Your name was Craig...

...

...

So I'm staying
Somehow in a live-in relationship now...