Alex Walton - Shame Music 2

Shame
All I feel is shame
A thousand years of shame
A billion tears of shame

And nothing stays the same
As it used to be
And nothing can remain
Like it used to be
And I can't be that person
That I used to be
And I wish I was that person
That I used to be

Shame
All I feel is shame
A thousand years of shame
A billion tears of shame

And I reject the devils work
And I walk into the light
And I wish I could do something
To make it all right
I pray I can forgive
Everything I've done
And maybe start a new life
And never have to run
But I keep on walking
Uh, walking out that door
And I stop and lay a while
On the hardwood floor
I'm sorry to those who love me
And those that I forgot
I'm sorry to my friends
On who's hands I've trod
Cuz I believe in truth
I believe in love
I believe in Christ
And the Lord up above
And I believe in Satan
And the number six
I've spent my whole life fighting off his tricks
I'm sorry to all my lovers
For being who I am
I'm sorry to the listener
Who just doesn't give a damn
I'm sorry to my parents
For never being their son
I'm sorry for saying sorry
And ruining all the fun
Everyone I've been
Everyone I'll be
Everything I touch
Everything I see
All I feel is shame
A thousand years of shame
A billion tears of shame
I hang my head in shame
I surrender to the shame
I give my live to shame
I give in to my shame

It started with, uh
Me being a person who could not function in a daily way
The way most people could function
I had extreme panic
Extreme fear
Extreme anxiety and depression
From, uh, teenage years
I was home-bound
I couldn't leave the house
Friday was a bad luck day for me
Colgate Toothpaste was evil
I was a sick person
With sick emotional problems
In- In a long nervous breakdown

Beige flat strip mall Texan skies
That prolonged our naive apathy
Where a blank stare can hide your hate
Loving yourself feels like psychopathy
I did not like what I sung [?]
I did not like what was reflected towards me
I imagine my death as an angel in the corners
I cannot see things beautiful and free
Oh what is to see each other
Those who we choose to see
A sisterhood of immutable characteristics
Something you can be proud to be
Wouldn't it be nice to have a room of your own
Wouldn't it be nice not to be so low
Wouldn't it be nice to have our place in the sun
Wouldn't it be nice just to have some fun
Yeah wouldn't it be nice just to have some fun
Oh wouldn't it be nice to have some fun

You're not as insane as you think you are
Though it can be fun to convince yourself sometimes
Except when you convince yourself as if possessed
Then it isn't really fun sometimes
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this
For whom everything is real and felt intensely
Sensitive to all changes in the weather
Selling us her own tragedy

The tragedy covers up their lives
But it doesn't have to deform them
A heroine falls to the floor in an affect of death
This is not real death
This is not real death (This is not real death)
The [?] kicking stage
Masked and beautiful
And they run circles to prove to us that
Life can see you
And every moment is precious
That we have been [?] this entire time
If you can believe that

I've been saying 'I only know that I know nothing'
I've been saying that a lot these days
I've been writing letters to ghosts
I've been told that patience pays (patience pays)
I've been sleeping, chemically induced
I've been sleeping in all kinds of beds
I've been [?]
I've been watching my thoughts form in my head
I've been bad at being a son
I've been trying to be a better daughter
I've been seeing myself in the rear-view mirror
I've been seeing where that bitterness brought us
I've been looking at the jizz of that angry young man
I haven't learned what words I'd give her
I've been listening to that young man writhe in agony
And try hard to forgive her

There's no cure for our shame
This universal human feeling
Nothing ever has to stay the same
As it was in the beginning
There's no way to exercise our shame
No pill or bottle or powder to treat it, but uh
But in awareness of the presence of others
Will give us the distance we need to see it
There's no cure for our shame
There's only light in music
There's no need to wallow in our shame
When there's an abundance of light in music
We cannot shrug the weight of our shame
But across many backs we can bear
A million billion trillion tears of shame
Ain't too much if we share
If we share it

I don't mean to complain or anything, um
I'm a lucky person