Avenue - Disconnected

My life at home was shattered in two,
Something I wish I could undo
Because I struggled to make do.
See my step dad was diagnosed with liver disease
And needed a transplant.
They said he had 5 years,
They said they’d try there hardest to replace his damaged organ
But this was easier said than done.

At first I pretended like it never bothered me
Or that it wasn’t happening.
We never got along much
Because of my lazy, manipulative ways
While his health was stable.
I distracted myself with games
Because of the sense of control it gave me,
I distracted myself with the “cool kids” in my grade
For a temporary relief I got when it felt like I fit in.
His health started to deteriorate and just like any coward,
I avoided the situation,
Just like any coward I avoided my home.
I started consuming any substance to numb my pain
While my family needed me more than ever.

I regretted all of the above

Pretend. Distract. Avoid. Consume. Regret.

He would get gondus, his yellow skin looking flawless,
We always had to be cautious
And this shook any faith I had with God’s promise.

My stomach was sick but he was the one throwing up blood,
I’m under my blankets but I still hear mom sobbing,
I still hear mom sobbing.

It’s been a year since they replaced his liver,
But just like any coward I just push the blame,
Just like any coward I still feel the same.

Pretend. Distract. Avoid. Consume. Regret.