Chase Noseworthy | The Bardic Hearth - Three Kobolds in a Trenchcoat

Late one night before the tavernkeeper shut his door
A wobbly gentleman came in, his footing was unsure
Moustachioed and handsome, and his clothing touched the floor
He was no man at all, he was three kobolds in a trench coat

One's on the bottom, strong is he
Two's in the middle, carrying Three
Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat

One day when a maiden was out on her nightly stroll
She got lost in the forest and was set on by a gnoll
When in there stepped a gentleman, moustachioed and tall
He was no help at all cause he's three kobolds in a trench coat

(Chorus)
One's on the bottom, strong is he
Two's in the middle, carrying Three
Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat

Once there was a king who was a scourge upon his land
The citizens all wished him dead, his rule they couldn't stand
One day he just fell dead on the pavement by no hand
He happened to have died next to three kobolds in a trench coat

(Chorus)
One's on the bottom, strong is he
Two's in the middle, carrying Three
Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat

The people of the kingdom, the man's praises they did sing
Believing that he was the one who slew their awful king
Put on his head a crown, and to the throne they did him bring
But little did they know he was three kobolds in a trench coat

(Chorus)
One's on the bottom, strong is he
Two's in the middle, carrying Three
Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat

It didn't take them long to hate their brand new overlord
He butchered up the tax code and put rebels to the sword
From out of his own kingdom he was driven by the horde
The economy had been ruined by three kobolds in a trench coat

(Chorus)
One's on the bottom, strong is he
Two's in the middle, carrying Three
Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat

One! Two! Three!
Three kobolds in a trench coat

And if you're wondering how I sing three part harmony
When I am just one man without another to be seen
I'm sure the most observant of you already have gleaned
That I am not a man, I am three kobolds in a trench coat

One's on the bottom, fiddling free
Two's in the middle, keeping the beat
I'm pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat

We're pretending not to be three kobolds in a trench coat