Tom MacDonald - I Don't Drink

I screwed up, I just wanna say I'm sorry
It's all my fault, you should probably ignore me
Oh my God, should've given you a warning
All my friends are sick and tired of this story
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm annoying
Call your phone when it's three in the morning
Start a fight, parked a whip in your garden
You probably think I am mentally retarded
Please, don't call me crazy 'cause I'm not
Last night I had one too many shots
Blacked out, got arrested by the cops
Woke up on the neighbours front lawn

Every time that I'm hangover, I convince myself I'm dying
Where the hell my pants go and why is my girlfriend crying?
I say that I remember what I did, but I am lying
There's a tattoo on my buttcheek, it's a beer can and he's smiling

I'm pretty sure the last night went down in history
We made it out alive, and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery?

I'm a mess, and I know you don't deserve it
You're the best, and I'm a pretty stupid person
None-the-less you try to help me 'cause I'm hurting
I confess, sometimes I feel like I'm not worth it
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm a problem
I don't care who I hurt, I feel awesome
Holy crap, it's either jail or a coffin
Soon enough I'mma be at rock bottom
Please help, tell me, how I end up here?
Last night, I had one too many beers
Flashbacks, but I can't remember clear
Why I texted all my exes, and we haven't spoke in years

Every time that I'm hangover, last night doesn't feel so funny
I threw up on my front step, and I wasted all of my money
I got naked in the night club right in front of all my buddies
Then I went home with some girl I thought was hot, but she is ugly

I'm pretty sure the last night went down in history
We made it out alive, and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery?

You call my phone, 'kay be quiet, can you hear it?
I don't hear it
Damn, oh no, my sexy photos, can we clear it?
We need to clear it

I'm pretty sure the last night went down in history
We made it out alive, and that's a victory
Black eyes, minor injuries
We lost a fight together, that's a win to me
I don't drink 'cause when I'm drunk, I'm retarded
Ask around, I'm the life of the party
Hold my beer 'cause I'm only getting started
Who cares about tomorrow and the misery?