Hazbin Hotel - Stayed Gone

[VOX]
That fucker is back!

[VALENTINO]
Yeah, I thought he was gone for good too.

[VOX]
It's been seven years!

[VALENTINO]
You still pissed he almost beat you that time?

[VOX]
Uh, fuck you!

[VALENTINO]
Just saying.

[VOX]
Things have changed a lot since he left town.

[VALENTINO]
That's for sure.

[VOX]
I got to send a message of who's really in charge of things now.
Welcome home
I'm gonna make you wish
That you'd stayed gone
Say hello
To a new status quo
Everyone knows that there's a brand new dawn
Turn the TV on!

(Camera, speeds. Rolling in 3, 2...)

(Welcome to the show)

[VOX]
Top of the hour and we're discussing a certain has-been
Who has been spotted cavorting around town (Welcome to the show)
After a seven year absence
Did anybody miss him? (Welcome to the show)
Did anybody notice?
More on tonight's program!

So, the Radio Demon is back in town
Why's he hangin' around?
What does that mean for your family?

Well handily, I've got good news
He's a loser, a fossil
And, I don't mean to sound hostile
But the demon is a coward!

You can take that as gospel
Pulling my viewers? Impossible!
I'm visual, he's barely audible

Stop giving him the time of day
Don't listen to a word he'd say
I hope he had a nice vacay
But he should've stayed away!

While he hid in radio
We pivoted to video
Now his medium is getting bloody rare!

Hell's been better since he split
Where's he been?
Who gives a shit?!

[ALASTOR]
Salutations! Good to be back on the air
Yes, I know it's been a while since someone with style treated Hell to a broadcast
Sinners rejoice!

[VOX]
What a dated voice!

[ALASTOR]
Instead of a clout-chasing mediocre video podcast

[VOX]
Come on!

[ALASTOR]
Is Vox insecure, pursuing allure?
Flitting between this fad and that
Is nothing working?

[VOX]
Ignore his chirping!

[ALASTOR]
Every day, he's got a new format

[VOX]
You're looking at the future!
He's the shit that comes before that!

[ALASTOR]
Is Vox as strong as he purports?
Or is it based on his support?
He'd be powerless without the other Vees

[VOX]
Oh, please!

[ALASTOR]
And here's the sugar on the cream
He asked me to join his team

[VOX]
Hold on!

[ALASTOR]
I said no, and now he's pissy, that's the tea!

[VOX]
You old-timey prick
I'll show you suf-ffering!

[ALASTOR]
Uh oh, the TV is buffering

[VOX]
I'll destroy yoo-o-u-u, you little—!

[ALASTOR]
I'm afraid you've lost your signal

Let's begin...
I'm gonna make you wish
That I'd stayed gone
Tune on in

When I'm done
Your status quo
Will know its race is run
Oh, this will be fun!

[VOX]
Fuuuuuck!