Decline of Order - Past Dweller

I'm sick of dwelling in the past

Can't I just think of things that make me laugh?

I keep having dreams of gurney and a body bag for my body

Just one second to let this life pass

I'm trapped with these thoughts every day

An absent father, a guilty conscience

torment with what I could have done

for some reason when I was young

I thought the only way out was to run

I don't mean to be so blatant

I'm trapped under chains

There's no place where the pain went

but I know one thing for sure, I cannot end this

I have to be here until the ending

Torturous thoughts until my ending

Threats, threats, treading on the threats

Why don't you try something?

Oh, you make me laugh

Believe I had this goal, a goal to die

Life don't make sense and it never will

Only thing that numbs me is when I pop a pill

A goal to die

Countless new beginnings, life is just a game I play

Substance and regret until the grave

A constant fight I'm fighting every day

would you be better off without me?

My mind likes to think so

I'm sick, sick in the head

Always daydreaming of my death

Silence is the only way, so I will silence my life

Satisfaction is impossible to find