Division S - The Ballad of Bob Crane

Do you remember Bob Crane?
of Hogan's Heroes fame?
Handsome, not much of an actor,
amateur video pornographer.

And this was in an age
before videotaping was all the rage.
Sex was transient,
here and gone in a moment. . .

Except for Bob Crane.

And Bob had this friend
who might have indeed been
a better actor,
but he wasn't nearly as handsome.

Well, you can see
where this is going:
the two of them trawling for snatch
with Bob as the bait,
but that's OK
there were plenty of women to share
and plenty to rape
and plenty of tape
to shoot.

When Bob considered Jesus,
it left his buddy lean,
fishing for cans of oil
in a lake of gasoline.

Ladies and Gentleman,
this production
of Beginner's Luck had run.
The memory fogs my monocle:
the meat on the pillow that could have been anyone. . .

Well, it was Bob Crane.