Forbidden Broadway Goes to Rehab - All That Chat

ANNOUNCER: And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back, one of
"Chicago"'s deadliest Velma's ... Miss Bebe Neuwirth!
BEBE NEUWIRTH: Hello, suckers. Did you pay good money to see a Broadway
show, when you could have just stayed home and read what's online?

Come on, babe, get on the Internet
And all that chat
I hear that Devil Lounge is even meaner yet
Than all that chat
Frank Langella's hogging Whoopi's spot
But as Sir Thomas More, she says he's not so hot
Check out the rumor mill and gossip made to kill
On all that chat

MAN:
Oh, what happens offstage is more fun than on

BEBE NEUWIRTH:
On all that chat

MAN:
Sent!

WOMAN:
Oh, I hear that Broadway is a Babylon

BEBE NEUWIRTH:
On all that chat

WOMAN:
Sent!

MAN:
Raul Esparza slept with Chita

WOMAN:
Chita finally slept with Rita

BOTH:
And I hear
Tom Wopat's queer
For all that chat

----------
BEBE NEUWIRTH: [in counterpoint]
I just read that "Brigadoon" is dead

MAN & WOMAN: [overlapping]
Oh, what happens offstage is more fun than on
----------

BEBE NEUWIRTH:
On all that chat

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BEBE NEUWIRTH: [in counterpoint]
The workshop didn't work and so the bad news spread

MAN & WOMAN: [overlapping]
Oh, I read that Broadway is a Babylon
----------

BEBE NEUWIRTH:
On all that chat

Hold on, hon,
I'll hook it up to links
Where there's an "Equus" clip where Daniel Radcliffe stinks
And there's a running blog that's strictly dog-eat-dog
On all that chat

MAN: So Checkie, that's final, huh? You prefer Andrew Lippa's "Wild
Party" over Michael John LaChiusa's? Send.
WOMAN: Yeah, I'm afraid so, Bruce Memblatt. I hate Michael John LaChiusa.
Send.
MAN: Oh, Checkie? Send.
WOMAN: Yeah? Send.
MAN: Nobody trashes Michael John LaChiusa's "Wild Party" on my Facebook!
Send "control alt delete"!

[Explosion]

WOMAN: Ahhhhhhh!

BEBE NEUWIRTH:
Who needs theater tips
When you can get your kicks
On all that chat!