Saving Face - Comprehension

Everything that I thought you meant.
Broken promises and broken dreams, I lament.
Shrouding days with a cloud of my own discontent.
For the ignorance I perpetuate in this mess.
Shifting blame from exterior forces to me.
My comprehension of the hurt is too intangible to grieve.
Instead, I find myself replaying memories in my head.
I can't withstand the thought of knowing you were lonely in them.

Could it be too late?
But that's exactly what you wanted to say.
And that's exactly how you fostered this change in me.
No plans, I endeavoured to mend my ways.
Instead I watched my love fade slowly into emptiness.
False reckoning, but you always came back.
Signifying that I could keep your heart in a jar.
I took too much and I finally pushed too far.
We can't subjugate our fears.

Looking to you for help, as I live through this internal hell.
An avoidance of reflection, it's affecting my amygdala's influence of my jaded self perception.
Nothing hits me, I'm stoic yet lonely.
My therapist divulges her critique on just what brought me here.
But it's all the same, in one ear and out the other.
My body shudders, as you don't stutter for once.
Our love was not enough.

It was always you, that brought the best of me to the surface.
But the rest remained submerged, dragging the both of us down.
I tried so hard to make this right.
Cut my ties with the past, and shed the weight that kept you stuck in my tide.
If this is what it feels like to lose your love, then I know I've never felt so alive.
I have never felt so alive.

Spill it out, emote in the sense that if we cut ties now I know we still stand a chance to be better versions of ourselves.

We did this for our health.