Stan Freberg - St. George & The Dragonet

[Narrator:]
The legend you are about to hear is true
Only the needle should be changed to protect the record

[St. George:]
This is the countryside
My name is St George
I'm a knight

Saturday, July 10th, 8:05 pm
I was working out of the castle on the nightwatch
when a call came in from the Chief
A dragon had been devouring maidens
Homicide
My job, slay him

[St. George:]
You call me, Chief

[Chief:]
Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens
The King's daughter may be next

St. George:
Mmm-hmm
You got a lead

[Chief:]
Oh, nothing much to go on
Say, did you take that .45 automatic
into the lab to have them check on it

[St. George:]
Yeah, you were right

[Chief:]
I was right

[St. George:]
Yeah, It was a gun

8:22 pm, I talked to one of the maidens
who had almost been devoured

[St. George:]
Could I talk to you, Ma'am

[Maiden:]
Who are you

[St. George:]
I'm St. George, Ma'am
Homicide, Ma'am
Want to ask you a few questions, Ma'am
I understand you were almost devoured by the dragon, Ma'am
Is that right, dragon

[Maiden:]
It was terrible
He breathed fire on me
He burned me already

[St. George:]
How can I be sure of that, Ma'am

[Maiden:]
Believe me
I got it straight from the dragon's mouth

[St. George:]
11:45 pm
I rode over the King's Highway
I saw a man
Stopped to talk to him
Pardon me, Sir
Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir

[Knave:]
Sure, I don't mind

[St. George:]
What do you do for a living

[Knave:]
I'm a knave

[St. George:]
Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts

[Knave:]
Yeah, so what
Do you wanna make a federal case out of it

[St. George:]
No, Sir
We heard there was a dragon operating in this neighborhood
We just want to know if you've seen him

[Knave:]
Sure, I've seen him

[St. George:]
Mmm-hmm
Could you describe him for me

[Knave:]
What's to describe
You see one dragon, you seen 'em all

[St. George:]
Would you try to remember, Sir
Just for the record
We just want to get the facts, Sir

[Knave:]
Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots . . .

[St. George:]
Yes, Sir

[Knave:]
Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke . . .

St. George:
Mmm-hmm

[Knave:]
And one big bloodshot eye
right in the middle of his forehead and
Uh, like that

[St. George:]
Notice anything unusual about him

[Knave:]
No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know

[St. George:]
Mmm-hmm
Yes, Sir
You can go now

[Knave:]
Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him

[St. George:]
I thought you'd never ask
A Dragonet

3:05 pm
I was riding back into the courtyard
to make my report to the lab
Then it happened
It was the dragon

[Dragon:]
Hey, I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon
You must be St George, right

[St. George:]
Yes, Sir

[Dragon:]
I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords

[St. George:]
That's about the size of it

[Dragon:]
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
You slay me

[St. George:]
That's what I wanted to talk to you about

[Dragon:]
What do you mean

[St. George:]
I'm taking you in on a 502
You figure it out

[Dragon:]
What's the charge

[St. George:]
Devouring maidens out of season

[Dragon:]
Out of season
You'll never pin that rap on me
Do you hear me, cop

[St. George:]
Yeah, I hear you
I got you on a 412 too

[Dragon:]
A 412
What's a 412

[St. George:]
Over-acting. Let's go

[Narrator:]
On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted
His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked
Maiden devouring out of season is punishable
by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years