Stephen Lynch - 3 ballons

I call you from my car to say I'll be there in awhile
A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.
There's nothing on the radio; I'd fiddled with the dial
Then I see a sign: the airport's just another mile
I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly,
And as I near security I almost start to cry.

Well I hope the law enforcement agents can't tell from my face,
I got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
'Cuz with four balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.
Crowded up in there.

My mind is all a-jumble and my blood is cold as ice.
I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.
Relax, I say, it's not so bad; it might feel kinda nice,
Besides who hasn't had a finger up there once or twice.
I must remember don't leave any drugs inside the host;
I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed.

Well I say a little prayer, Hail Maria full of grace.
I've got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.

I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
And I swear I'm farting lines of blow into my underwear.
Ooh, from my derrière.

I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash
Five balloons of ecstasy, and six balloons of hash,
Eight balloons of LSD, and nine of sensimilla,
A box of Chinese fireworks, a Guatemalan child.
I made it to the gate now and my joy I can't contain.
I board the aircraft, take my seat in the cockpit of the plane-

As I taxi down the runway I get a smile on my face,
I've got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us into air,
and by the way does anyone want to buy Guatemalan child
from my derrière.

I got three balloons...

I got three balloons...

I got three balloons.