Tekst piosenki:
LYDIA:
Way back when
I was just ten
Simple and sweet
Everywhere
Fellas would stare
Out on the street
And I felt used
Kinda confused
I would refuse to look in their eyes
But now I really love creepy old guys!
ALL:
We all do!
BARBARA:
Gum disease
DELIA:
Skin like grilled cheese
LYDIA:
Saggy old asses!
DELIA: (spoken)
Saggy old asses!
LYDIA:
It’s cute and vile-
DELIA & BARBARA:
Hey baby, smile!
LYDIA:
To each girl that passes!
DELIA:
(wolf-whistling)
LYDIA:
They make me blush!
BARBARA:
Can’t get enough!
LYDIA:
Now one of ‘em loves me, wants to be mine!
BARBARA AND DELIA:
That’s right!
LYDIA:
Marrying my own creepy old guy!
BETELGEUSE: (spoken)
I’m a creepy old guy!
LYDIA:
My creepy old guy, my creepy old guy
I’m so happy I could cry!
BARBARA & DELIA:
Girls may seem disgusted, but we’re actually just shy!
LYDIA:
My creepy old groom!
BARBARA:
Creepy old groom!
BARBARA & LYDIA:
Play that wedding tune
LYDIA:
Hey folks, step aside!
BETELGEUSE: (spoken)
I am older, but I’m glad I waited!
LYDIA:
'Cuz here comes the bride!
I am marrying my creepy old guy
THE OTHERS:
Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy
LYDIA:
My creepy old guy!
THE OTHERS:
Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, creepy old guy!
LYDIA:
Fix his hair
Get him prepared
For Armageddon
BARBARA:
Sure, the groom
Crawled out of a tomb-
DELIA:
But hey, hey, it’s a wedding!
LYDIA:
So dim the lights
Pick up some rice
Say something nice!
It’s my day to shine
I'm getting hitched to my creepy old guy!
BETELGEUSE: (spoken)
It's showtime!
BARBARA & DELIA:
Creepy old guy, creepy old guy
She’s marrying a creepy old guy!
CHARLES:
Have you guys seen “Lolita”?
This is just like that, but fine!
THE OTHERS:
Creepy old dude, creepy old dude
Our faith has been renewed
Now love is alive!
LYDIA:
Wave your baby girl goodbye
I am walking down the aisle
I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by
I know that on the outside he’s disgusting
And even on the inside, he’s disgusting
But I know that this time, I'm makin' it right
THE OTHERS:
Making it right, making it right!
LYDIA:
With my family by my side
[DANCE BREAK WITH BETELGEUSE AND THE GAME SHOW AUDIENCE OF SKELETONS.]
BETELGEUSE:
O-M-G
Dressed to a "T"
Fancy and formal
I found me a wife
L'chaim! To life!
This is so normal!
I was ignored
But now, I’m adored!
‘Cause I extorted, tortured, and lied
Give it up for my underage bride!
THE OTHERS:
Here comes the bride
Here comes the bride
God be glorified!
ALL:
I can’t believe some cultures think this kind of thing’s alright
LYDIA:
My creepy old guy
My creepy old guy
Doesn’t he deserve a chance at life?
BETELGEUSE:
Oh yeah, that’s right!
OTHERS:
Yeah, that's right!
LYDIA:
Let’s make him alive!
I am marrying my creepy old guy!
THE OTHERS:
Guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy, guy, guy, creepy old guy!
Guy, guy!
BETLEGEUSE: (spoken)
I have chills!
ALL:
Yeeeeeeeeah!
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