Kate Parkin - Voldemort Trump Presidential Rap (Harry Potter Parody)

Voldemort:
Sorry Trump but there can only be one
Man evil enough to ruin everyone's fun
So take a step back and crawl back into your hole
Because you're just a muggle and have only one soul
I split mine into seven -
And that wasn't enough
Still didn't get into heaven
And purgatory is rough

Bellatrix:
If you wanna build a horcrux

Voldemort:
Lemme make a suggestion
Use that mop on your head
To help win the election

Bellatrix:
Kill an innocent soul

Voldemort:
-- which I know you would do
as Commander in Chief with access to nukes
Then infuse that soul into a toupee
And just like that - it's the end of days
Which your reign will bring
With your fear mongering
And your bigoted stance on literally everything.

Bellatrix:
How did you rise to power?

Voldemort:
I manipulated the press
I shut them down, infiltrated, and caused quite a mess
Scaring all the little wizards I knew into submission
Turning wizards on muggles
Forcing a division
Between two groups of people
Who are really the same

Bellatrix:
Pure bloods and muggles

Voldemort:
There's no difference to make!
I made up lies just to get more power
Which is what you are doing, every news hour

Bellatrix:
His marketing's genius

Voldemort:
Oh this I know
Because yelling the loudest makes your numbers grow

Bellatrix:
You aren't classy, you're trashy
You pick fights like a bully
And you don't seem to understand policy fully
Do you wanna build a wall?

Voldemort:
Please don't waste your time

Bellatrix:
Immigration reform
It's not time to divide

Voldemort:
Latinos aren't rapists

Bellatrix:
That sounds a lot like projection

Voldemort:
You have rape allegations

Bellatrix:
Yet you're in this election

Both:
Treat your neighbor as you treat thyself
I see Mein Kampf not a bible on your shelf

Voldemort:
You don't speak for me, because you're actually worse
And this is coming from a man who used the killing curse
On a baby.

Bellatrix:
You spin lies, you insult women and LGBT
You came from a trust fund and reality TV
you're lying to the people who are voting for you

Voldemort:
A self-made man?

Bellatrix:
After what your father left you?

Voldemort:
I came from no thing, Trump

Bellatrix:
He was poor and alone
You, on the other hand, were born on a throne

Both:
The media's eatin ya from the palm of your hand
So I'm back from the dead to take one final stand

Voldemort:
Now, I never had a daughter, but you know, if I did
I don't think I'd have the heart to call women pigs

Bellatrix:
You can't be a good leader if you're not a good father
You just can't be president
if you said you'd date your daughter

Voldemort:
If you grab her by the phoenix
I'll grab you by the wand

Bellatrix:
But yours is so small
How do you ever get it on?

Both:
It doesn't make sense
Have we cast some spell
On the American people
Of some fascist Hell?

Voldemort:
I pity you Trump, for your life without love
I learned a thing or two watching down from above

Both:
People are people, no matter their race
No matter their religion or color of their face
And even though you have an orangish glow
I hate you because of your inflated ego

Voldemort:
So, I'll say this to those at the RNC
I'm available if you choose to nominate me
I've got a snake for my VP, her names Nagini
Consider this my entry for the presidency