Sadistik - October Freewrite

I sit and play my organ to this carnival of souls and I bare my paper heart to let the artical unfold.
It's harder to control I know I'm partial to indulge, so I drink and sink I think it brings a calmness to my skull.
I watch it all unfold just to stitch it all together gettin shivers from my mistress that delivered me a letter full of pain, full of hope and the increments of pleasure it contains more of those then any instrument can measure.
Yeah, feeling ugly in my skin. Weaving a tornado and then running from the wind.
This habit of abandonment is something I resent, cause it's tragic and it's cancerous it's functioning like death.
I want to meet a mute just to kiss her on her honest lips use my withered hands and paint a picture of accomplishment. Mixture of the opposites insecure and confident. Uh, these are the symptoms of an optimist.

Cause you can hang yourself for all I care. I don't mean that but I wish I did.
I kissed your lips and I whispered isn't this intense, everytime the winter hits your relation-ship-wreck and I slit my wrists.
Here's the falling snow. I don't know much except I know I don't know when it's time to go.
I'm alone in my room missin Mike again leviathan on my back so I have to write again.
Second class citizen, epitaph chiseled in my neck and back when I've been to hell and back visitin. Right?
I fell in traps on the pilgrimage sellin off to dodge when you left me for a bargain.

Sometimes I drink till four AM, am I self-destructive? I drink therefore I am.
Magnetism like I know Descartes, on a sojourn for an owner of a lonely heart.
We could be together, forever, on Noah's ark drifting where the souls depart.
You could show me the contents, napoleon complex could rip my bones apart.
Look. I would bleed in the snow, and wait for the sun just to see what would grow.
This is for the days I would sink in a hole and every disconnected handshake received at a show.
For every single girl that was scared to say she loved me and everyone that did when she'd only want to fuck me. For every friend that I knew I'd never trust all's quiet on the western front.
I've been searching for a straw in a barrel full of needles, too late to be original but scared to do a sequal when the veins show they're varicose and feeble from the fake hopes and pheromones they feed you.
See, I don't like my skin today I'll bite the hand that feeds till it bleeds and my lips decay.
All these things I can't give away. So I think I'll just sit awake.


(What's the point of dreaming anyway right?)


There's a monster on the inside clawin at my skin begging me to let him out and calling me a friend.
Telling me to have some fun, telling me to grab a gun saying it'll be a blast I know that he's acting up.
But, if he doesn't quit soon I'mma have to send him to his bedroom (Click, Boom).
You are nothing but another schizophrenic urge of givin human properties without a sympathetic nervous system. Uh, I hope you get under control cuz I don't wanna get to know the devil on my shoulder.
Rainbows are black, angels are black, fangs in my neck and your halo is cracked.
Allergic to your skin so you make jokes and laugh but you really want to leave I'm your scapegoat for that.
And even though I know I'm barely turning twenty five when there's no more bridges left I'll just burn myself alive. That's what I deserve, that's what I've earned when I can't survive the ash and fire, blasphemies my words.
Tell them that I wasn't very good in the first place. Don't believe the hype wake me up when it's October.