Audrey Hepburn - I'm an Ordinary Man

Henry:
Well, after all, Pickering
I'm an ordinary man,
Who desires nothing more
Than an ordinary chance,
To live exactly as he likes
And do precisely what he wants...
An average man am I
Of no eccentric whim
Who likes to live his life, free of strife,
Doing whatever he thinks is best for him.
Well... Just an ordinary man...

But - let a woman in your life
And your serenity is through
She'll redecorate your home
From the cellar to the dome
And then go on to the enthralling fun
Of overhauling you...
Let a woman in your life
And you're up against a wall
Make a plan and you will find
That she has something else in mind
And so rather than do either
You do something else that neither likes at all.

You want to talk of Keats and Milton
She only wants to talk of love
You go to see a play or ballet
And spend it searching for her glove.
Let a woman in your life
And you invite eternal strife
Let them buy their wedding bands
For those anxious little hands...
I'd be equally as willing
For a dentist to be drilling
Than to ever let a woman in my life.

I'm a very gentle man
Even tempered and good-natured
Who you never hear complain
Who has the milk of human kindness
By the quart in every vein.
A patient man am I
Down to my fingertips
The sort who never could, ever would
Let an insulting remark escape his lips.
Very gentle man...

But - let a woman in your life
And patience hasn't got a chance
She will beg you for advice
Your reply will be concise,
And she will listen very nicely
And then go out
And do exactly what she wants!!!
You are a man of grace and polish
Who never spoke above a hush
All at once you're using language
That would make a sailor blush!
Let a woman in your life
And you're plunging in a knife
Let the others of my sex
Tie the knot around their necks
I prefer a new edition
Of the Spanish Inquisition
Than to ever let a woman in my life.

I'm a quiet living man
who prefers to spend the evening
In the silence of his room
Who likes an atmosphere as restful
As an undiscovered tomb.
A pensive man am I
Of philosophical joys
Who likes to meditate, contemplate
Far for humanities mad, inhuman noise.
Quiet living man...

But - let a woman in your life
And your sabbatical is through
In a line that never ends
Comes an army of her friends
Come to jabber and to chatter
And to tell her what the matter is with YOU!
She'll have a booming boisterous family
Who will descend on you en mass,
She'll have a large wagnarian mother
With a voice that shatters glass.
Let a woman in your life...
Let a woman in your life...
Let a woman in your life...
I shall never let a woman in my life.